Coming Up For Air

So I was in a down place for a couple weeks. I sort of still am but it’s better.

I haven’t really been working for the past month. Not since my regular client cancelled my companies services. They keep saying they will have someone for me. Yet here I am barely working.

I started putting in applications to new places. So far one company wants me to come in and put in an actual paper application and another company wants to schedule an interview. One was less than an hour after I submitted my application and the other was the next morning. This obviously makes me ecstatic. But also incredibly nervous!

My ability to do interviews is iffy. I get really nervous and tend to talk to much.


I love what I do now. But in all honesty the company I’m with kind of stinks. There are so many times when I find myself saying “They could be doing better.” OR “I could do their job better.”

There is a major lack of communication within the office and even outside the office. One case manager will ask me to work a certain client, but they won’t tell the other two case managers or they don’t tell the parents(if I can’t work). And when they find out I can’t do a certain day they don’t tell the parents. Then the parents will text me asking if I would be able to work, because no one told them. Telling a parent you can’t work is so much harder than telling the case manager!

I am a good worker. I show up on time, pick up cases last minute without knowing anything about the client, and I don’t complain. Most importantly I love my clients like they are my own children and do my best to treat them like I would want my children to be treated. If I’m caring for your child I won’t treat them like they are incapable of doing anything(unless they actually are). I will not talk down to them, I will not limit them by doing everything for them.

Not working much has me down. I know it will get better but that doesn’t make it easier in the moment.


Easter and Leggings

I can’t fall back asleep. I woke up at like 5 and here I am.

This weekend was Easter. The boys spent it with their father. They are with him every weekend, which is obviously where Easter falls. Part of me was glad they were there instead of here. Every year it always fell on me to make things happen. I made the baskets happen, I made the egg hunt happen, I made sure it was special. This year that weight was lifted. Husband had to make sure that it all got done. The other part of me really wishes they had been here and that I could have done the fun things with them.

However, when they came home I had a surprise waiting for them and they seemed happy with that. We got them each new bedding. Sheets, a big body pillow, and a light blanket. Cameron got Spiderman and Avery got Paw Patrol.


Monday night after Avery had his soccer lesson, Donna took us out to dinner. Then we walked around the mall for a bit. We went into Justice, the bright and shiny store generally for girls. Cameron loves leggings. So I figured what better place to find them than a store meant for girls. He got two pairs. A pair of pink/green camo and a pair with the Eiffel Tower on them(they are all blue, purple, white with the tower in black).

I love him. I love that he isn’t afraid to wear the things he wants. I hope that never changes.

My Baby is Growing Up

Last night after picking up the kids from their father’s house we came home. Normally it would be right upstairs to the bathroom and bed. But I arranged with their father to start picking them up an hour early. Mainly in hopes that Avery would not fall asleep on the ride home, he did anyways. So when they came home we had several “surprises” for them. It had been a busy weekend so there were a couple changes around the house and a couple new “presents.”

We shaved Dan, bought them a new box for their magnatiles, built a shelf in our bedroom, I got them each a new book, I got them a LeapStart, and a couple Skylanders(Toys R Us liquidation). I’m sure there are a couple things I’m forgetting.

So we read the books and played with the LeapStart a little. Then we did our normal bedtime routine. While brushing his teeth Cameron says, with toothbrush in mouth, “I think I have a loose tooth.” Now mind you he has been saying this for like a month and nothing has actually been loose. But I do what I always do and I check. An sure as shit one of his bottom teeth is loose!! I’m excited because he is so excited about it. But also… I’m sad. It’s a big thing to loose your first tooth and it’s a sign my baby is growing up.

I always joke with him that he needs to stop growing or I’m going to smush him smaller. Then I “squeeze” and pretend I am trying to make him small again.


However, today he is sick. He threw up in the middle of the night and didn’t want to come get me because he was worried I would be mad. Probably because he threw up on the floor next to his bed. Eww. So all day he has been all sad looking and tired. He fell asleep for a little bit, but just threw up again. So now he is in bed next to me dozing. When I look at him I want to hold him and never let him go.


The Dog Smelled

Dan the Doodle smelled funny.

It wasn’t even your normal dog smell. It’s was weird mix of maple syrup and celery. The maple syrup I could understand. We have two kids, so far all I know one of them had sticky hands and pet him.

So yesterday after Donna came home from work we shaved and bathed him. Let me tell you it takes forever to shave that dog! During the start of it he hates it and then like halfway through he falls asleep.

Normally after he has had a bath we put a shirt on him, one of the kids ones. FYI he is 3T.

So now he doesn’t smell weird and he looks like a new dog.

After bathing the dog Donna started making shelves I asked for. I fucking love this woman! I asked if we could build them Friday(not actually build them that day). We got the stuff and she did it the next day! My husband never did that shit!! I found a keeper!

A Confession

Over the weekend Donna and I went to the toy store to look for ideas for the boys. She still needed to get them something and I wasn’t sure if I was finished shopping. We hit the jackpot! All the Skylanders(except Imaginators) were on clearance. An buy clearance I mean ALL the figures were 50 cents each! An the starter sets were $1.98. We decided that since Cam has a new interest in video games that we would get them. So we got three starter sets, two for the boys and one for us. The one we got them is a racing one. The one we got ourselves is called Swap Force.

So we went home, got a little intoxicated, and played ours. The more intoxicated we got the better it was. It was the most fun I have had in a while playing video games.

And during this time while laughing hysterically at something in the game, I turned to Donna and told her that I wanted to marry her and spend every weekend doing fun shit with her. It was the most sincere thing I have ever said to anyone.

She is what has been missing in my life and right now I can’t imagine spending the rest of my days with someone else. She laughs at the things I say and jokes I make. She pulls me back down and away from the edge when I start to lose control. She hugs me and kisses me when I need it the most. I’m not worried about keeping my weird thoughts in or things that I think are funny in, because she doesn’t give me that look like I’m crazy.

She has been giving me Christmas cards. It was suppose to be one a day but she got a little behind because of the trip. It is sweet and amazing! I use to keep all the cards people had given me or the boys. Recently I threw out a bunch. Mainly the ones from my bridal shower and wedding. I think I will have to get a new box so I can start saving them again. I love cards and I love getting mail (even if it’s not for me).


From our tripGroup pic

I Fucking Love Build-A-Bear

So in my previous post I gave a run down of our trip. All but this part. Mainly because I find it funny and worthy of it’s own post.

As I stated at the end of the last post Avery had been pretty crazy the whole trip. Not listening, running off, refusing to eat foods he had asked for, and so on.

For the most part Cameron was great.

Upon pickup from KidsQuest we learned that Avery called one of the workers a bad name. Tickle Ass.

So Donna said “well maybe we just shouldn’t go to build-a-bear since you two have had a hard time behaving.” Then gave the speech of why bad children shouldn’t get things. So Cameron is crying and Avery doesn’t give a shit. An most of all I am PISSED! I wanted to go to build-a-bear damn it! So she tells them they need to come up with a good reason why she should take them.

We take them out to the car, buckle them in, and I go to throw away trash. Cam is still crying and I am still fuming!

I get back in the car, look at Donna and I start my rant which goes somewhat as follows:

“Now you listen here! Cameron has been pretty damn good this whole trip. It’s this one *points to Avery* that has been awful. It is not fair to Cameron or I to not go to build-a-bear! ……”

*she interrupts and she nods her head towards her phone. She already had the directions pulled up*

*I continue the rant* “So we are going to build-a-bear! Cameron and I will get our bears and Avery can sit an watch! Maybe he will learn his lesson!”

I had been really really looking forward to go and wanted to make my own stuffed animal. So Cam got Spider Bear and I got a Panda!

Our Family Adventure

Our Family Adventure

Thursday and Friday we took our trip to Bethlehem, PA! For the most part it went relatively well. Avery, 3yrs old, was his awful self. He didn’t listen, he ran off while walking, said a couple bad words, and so on. Cameron was REALLY good though so that balanced it out.

Donna did all of the planning for the trip which is amazing, I just packed the boys stuff. During my marriage if we ever did something it was me who did all the planning, packing, and stressing. An then something would happen during the trip and my husband would be grumpy and kill all the fun.

We stopped at the Outlets on our way down because I mentioned wanting to stop by Coach(even though I can’t afford one). She humored me and we stopped. She didn’t complain or grumble. In fact she took Avery upstairs, while Cameron decided to stay with me.

Then when we finally made our way to the hotel(Sands Bethlehem) and got settled into our room we took the boys for a walk. Our plan was to show them the KidsQuest Center and hope they wanted to stay and play. Sure enough when we showed them where they could play the were beyond excited. They were so excited they didn’t even wave goodbye to us. This gave us and hour of child free time to go look at the stores and even gamble a little.

After picking them up, we stopped at Carlos Bakery and picked out cupcakes for snacks. We went to our room and changed for swimming. After swimming they got to eat their cupcake, watch Scooby and then go to bed.

Friday we checked out and then headed to the Christmas Market. It is significantly larger than the Christmas Market they have in Scranton. We did lots of walking, looking and a little bit of buying. I think that the favorite parts for the boys include the ice sculpting, the gingerbread houses, and a glass blowing demonstration. Avery sat himself on a bench and watched the ice sculptor for at least 5 minutes!

After the Christmas market we took them back to the hotel so they could play at KidsQuest one last time. When we signed up for the casino loyalty card we got a free hour for each child. Since we don’t know when we will be back we wanted to use it.

After KidsQuest is when things got kind of tense. As mentioned above Avery’s behavior was not the best. But I’ll post about that another time.