What I find hard to do: be happy.
My range of emotions seem to be limited to content, depressed, or angry. The degrees of these emotions vary, though that’s normal… I think. I have come to accept that, currently, at my best I am content. It is hard to explain how I am not happy. I love my children and I guess they make me happy. Perhaps it’s just that my happy is other people’s content and my content is just exsisting. Because that’s not confusing!
Of course I strive for happy moments. Those few happy moments can be what pull a person from the edge. My main problem in this area is that it is very hard to find things that make me happy or excite me. My hair dresser use to worry that she had done something wrong because I didn’t express joy over a new cut or color. Now she knows that this is just me. I am not the woman who gets excited about her hair.
The last thing that made me so happy I wanted to squeal… seeing that my new furls crochet hooks had been delivered.
There are also moments that verge between happy and content. I try to hold onto these moments.
Music gives me more feelings. I frequently wish I could have a soundtrack playing all the time. I wish my life was a musical. I think things would greatly improve with singing and dancing.